Cool It Baby, You've Got Time

For some reason I'm feeling a sense of urgency. I need to make decisions and make 'em fast. Long term decisions like will my daughter go to Harvard or Yale. Will she be on the rowing team or the chess team? Will my middle son get a full ride to Shadduck (sp?) and if so would I retire early to watch him play year round? My oldest, he's right around a B- average, do I get him a full time tutor (i.e. me? where will the time come from? I have about 6 and 1/2 seconds of free time a night). So many huge things in my mind. I feel the things I say to my oldest will shape his attitude for the rest of his life, a B MINUS? WHAT? Did Bill Gates get B minuses? I don't think so buddy!! And the reason his grade average slipped so low, C- in BAND and C- in some sort of class about health and well being. He gets A's in Science and Math and I'm just about to pull my hair out because he doesn't feel like practicing the dang trombone. He told me his music teacher put on Lil' Wayne during free time and then he proceeded to rap it out to me, complete with the missing parts where swear words and the "N" word would be. I felt like smacking him and saying, don't you know that if I was Chinese you would be doing nothing but practicing that trombone EVERY NIGHT. Instead I said something like "see your band teacher is cool! Why don't you participate???" This leads me to the article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior"...now let's be honest, superiority in itself is subjective, which leads me to all kinds of other thoughts. I basically share the article title so you parents out there can take a look. I found it incredibly interesting and took it with a grain of salt. No, I don't plan on berating my child and telling them they're garbage if they get B's. However, I admit, deep deep down, I am cursing with rage and do expect A pluses, there, I've shared my inner truth.

Next: watched a great PBS documentary on Jeff Bridges. Why do I pay so much for cable?

Next: Watched an even better documentary (maybe not better but absolutely bar none, more important, life changing, riveting) called Every F___ing Day of My Life. It is a must see. If only because you share the notion that I did prior to watching that abused women can just call the police. That is what I thought, a man punches you in the face, you wallop him with a frying pan or what not and then call the cops man! Well this is a stark look at reality and that calling the police may not be a reality for some people. Not when you're front yard is rigged with cameras that can show your lips mouthing "HELP ME" to an officer. Anyway, please please please watch it. Its on Youtube in 10 minute vignettes.

Next: the Other said the "N" word. Its been a while since I've had to deal with anything racial and let alone deal with it with my own partner. I've always felt mixed, biracial; I've always checked the box "Other" for my ethnicity because there is no box for a little Mexican, a little French, a little German, 1/2 Finnish, and the rest Black. However, I never felt more black in my life then when I heard my full caucasian partner utter that word. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach. No, he wasn't talking about me. (or was he??) No he wasn't directing it at me. (or was he??) Well that's what it felt like. I can't seem to get past it. Yes, he's apologized. And because apologies are scarce with Other, I can take it to heart but for the first time, it's not enough and I can't get past it. I want to scream in his face YOUR CHILDREN ARE N*GGERS! I AM A N*GGER. So its a tough one. I've been meditating. Speaking to God. Calling to Buddha. Allah, anyone, any entity, any being. I need some help on this people. I have a family to keep together.

And finally, speaking of family. My oldest son's biological father has popped up. Its been 11 plus years and the ol' change of heart has happened. Can you say what the??!!!?!?!?!??!?! He wants to see "his son" as he says. Hmmmm "his son"...I find that intriguing since they are actually less connected than say, me and the guy I say "hey" to when I go get gas at the Holiday up the street. The Other is not taking it well, as you can guess by the whole N word thing. (is the story coming together? I'm a bit scattered, so sorry). So what do I do? Do we meet at a mall and sit and stare at each other with the only sound being me sucking down a strawberry julius? Do I tell him to come to a hockey game and risk the Other taking his rage out on the guy? So far I've employed the ignore it method.

That's all I got...oh oh oh, I'm reading The Late Homecomer, i'm into more to come

Its Cold and I'm sick of it

Freshly fallen snow right before the holidays makes for great picturesque Christmas cards. Snow post Christmas incites a litany of swear words for me. I am tired of stepping outside holding my daughter and navigating the ice so I don't drop us both on our heads. I'm tired of shaking snow off of my pant legs. Although I deeply love my new Uggs, I miss flip flops. Will I head to Florida with the rest of the snowbirds? Nope, Stillwater it is. Hockey game 9:15pm. NINE FIFTEEN PM. At 9:15pm on a Friday I should be staring at the TV while sipping the 2008 petit verdot I've held onto since Christmas day, (I mention this because holding onto wine really ain't my thang). I originally planned to hit the red box and lose myself in Eat Pray Love to see what the fuss is about and to see James Franco. Oh James, I heart you. Did any of ya'll see him in drag for Candy magazine?? WOWZA. Anyway back to the reasons I distrust winter...it makes cars do funny things. For instance when I go over a speed bump my shocks sound like I rolled over a giant Funyon. I can't get my car washed because I hate washing my car before snow/rain/ice storm and one of those things seems to be ALWAYS happening. UGH, winter, you've got me by the cajones and I can't stand it.

Hmm, so I've been thinking of sending a friend of mine a message on FB and then I thought, I should call. I haven't broken a friendship since my days at William R DeAvila in San Francisco. My pal LaRae thought it would be funny to pull my Cabbage Patch doll's hair (mmm hmmm, she did have the nerve!). Yea, that stunt pretty much cost her my lifelong friendship sooo really, its gotta be big. I have a pal I've known for (I just counted in my head and its freaking me out) twenty years! However, for the past year, she has had one ailment or another whenever invited to do something. She's cancelled, via text no less, to the past I guess its 6 gatherings she's been invited to. The most recent set me over the edge and it being the new year, the new year of no b.s. I figure eh, I've had it, I'm done. This brings me to a question, do friendships run their course? Perhaps she and I have just drifted so far into each other's own lands that we're just not friends anymore. I guess I'm not mad, confused yes, but not mad. I'm confused, because who wouldn't want to hang out with me right?? Riiiiiight???

So new things I'm noticing:

1) Could you buy Xmas presents people don't want, they go back and return them and because of all the sales turn their one gift into many??? Hmmm I'm pondering this.

2) The 3yr old started preschool, I asked him about his day, his response "moooom, we can talk about this at bedtime"

3) Thank you North Face for providing me a warm, unbulky, lightweight jacket. You're the best, now I've got to find a mountain to climb.

4) I no longer accept this: "that's just how men are" (insert anything in place of "men")


5) Need a girls night RIGHT NOW!

6) Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. She is stanky blues to the core with a bit of rock and roll and i love her. I love her before she got Gwyneth Paltrow's hair that she has now. She can sing me to sleep or sing me to dance any night of the week.

7) Okay, PioneerWomanCooks, have you not gotten on the website yet?? My word, made another of her homecookin' recipes aptly names Comfort Meatballs with mashed potatoes. Winter, comfort meatballs, I smell happiness..................